So a guy walks into a bar..
and goes ‘Bhaiyya, ek cutting laga dena!’
. . .
What? . . .Were you expecting some kind of punchline? Too bad, coz’ I was being serious.
So bhaiyya proceeds to promptly whip out a neat 110 ml cutting glass and pours in a beautiful, dark, wheat beer that works up a rich, creamy head as it settles in. Guy chugs it down in 3 big gulps and goes, ‘kitna hua’? And bhaiyya be like – bas 79, dada !
That’s right ! Aside from the 50-something varieties of beer that these guys have on offer, which is in-freaking-sane by itself; the clever bwuoyz at the Beer Cafe have recently come out with another winner – their Cutting Menu.
There’s the desi faves on a shoestring budget – the Cutting @39 with Kingfisher and Fosters Draught options.
For the more adventurous, there’s the Cutting @79 with Bira White, Bira Blond or Signatures from the Mumbai-based Gateway Brewing Company on tap.
For the even more refined beer connoisseurs there’s Hoegaarden, Stella Artois, Erdinger (Weissbier and Dunkel), Shepherd (Double Stout and Spitfire) and Fuller’s London Pride; also on tap @129 (Hell Yeah!).
…Aaand for those like me who like to have a little bit of everything, there’s the Cutting Slider – a ‘six pack’ of 3 premium-desi and 3 premium-videsi options. #SoMuchAwesomeness
Anywho. So after I’ve made myself comfortable in the snug little corner seat of this capacious cave of a space, I go on to call for a slider (obviously), comprised of a Bira white, a Bira blond, a White zen, a Gateway AI, a Doppelganger and the Fuller’s London Pride.
The Bira White is a cloudy looking, citrusy tasting wheat ale that’s the less bitter of the two Biras.
The Bira Blond is the clearer, more effervescent, fresher and the hoppier of the two beers. But that’s just a personal opinion.
The White Zen is a rather balanced wheat beer, with very mild hints of spice. This is the kinda beer that will go well with most palates.
The AI is Gateway’s version of the India Pale Ale is a slightly hoppy, bitter-sweet beer and is almost woody.
The Doppelganger is a dark, malty, sweeter beer that’s a little more overpowering than the rest of Gateway’s beers.
The Fuller’s London Pride is certainly the pride of this six pack, too – a quintessentially English legend, this. Works up a rich head, has a near-nutty smell, is just mildly bitter and isn’t too heavy (say, medium bodied). This is the one I savored the best.
. . . But wait, there’s more !
Now, no self-loathing, frustrated IT dude’s visit to a bar is complete without a HUGE round of sides, right? I mean, we don’t get our bellies from beer; now, come on !
So I noticed there was another menu with a BBQ Platter option with grilled meats and I go on to call for one.
The platter is replete with a succulent near-minty Hariyali (Chicken) Kebab, a well spiced Piri Piri Chicken (yeah, the piri piri-ness was very much there), 2 juicy chicken drumsticks – the Chicken Tangris with notable tandoori spices, and fish tikka – basically well seasoned, perfectly grilled Basa. Not to forget the PERFECT mint chutney that complemented everything on the table.
Round one of beer was over at this point and I was already parched, so Round 2 was called for –
The Beer Mule – Now the first time I’d attempted a Beer cocktail (in vain) was at home; it was a failed experiment with some cheapass strong beer and canned fruit juice. So my strongly negative outlook towards beer cocktails that had formed all those years ago was shattered, no scratch that, I need a stronger adjective – OBLITERATED in all of 3 seconds when I downed one single sip of the Beer Mule. A bona fide summer cooler and an ultimately delicious one too, with fresh cucumber and ginger notes, a very mild punch of vodka and the smoothness of beer. Not as effervescent as beer but just as refreshing. Hugely recommended.
Stella Artois (pronounced ‘art-twa’) – a classic Belgian Lager, the Artois is beautiful golden in color and has a clean, malty taste. No surprise why the world loves this beer.
While we were guzzling, more food found its way to the table. But this time, it was a round of more stereotypical sides –
Beer-battered onion rings – perfectly panko-crumbed and deep fried onion rings. Beer’s best friend. All authentic. No BS.
Butter Garlic Prawns – Juicy and crunchy in texture, briny and buttery…very buttery butter garlic prawns. The prawns were well sourced, too – no residual funky smell that I’ve been noting lately in a lot of restaurants.
And Round two of beer was done so a round three had to follow. Obviously.
Oranjeboom – a straw-yellow colored beer with a head that dissipated quickly. Modest bitters…very light and goes down easy. No, it doesn’t really taste like oranges but is very mildly citrusy. If that counts.
Shepherd Neame Double Stout – an Irish-style dry stout (that’s actually English – it’s brewed by England’s oldest brewer) that works up a rich head which dissipates to a near-zero lacing; and the beer has very notable roasted malt and coffee-ish flavors. I think it’d make for a great session beer. Unfortunately, I ended mine with this but hey, there’s always a next time !
Round three of grub was the Beer Cafe signature meat platter – the Hungry Tide
Chicken Wings – the batter was a little chewy but the BBQ sauce was spot-on. A little work with the batter ought to set this preparation right !
Chicken stuffed potato skins/jackets – the jacket was a tad bland which means that the chicken could’ve been seasoned with some stronger flavors but it wasn’t. Rendered the preparation a little flat, if you ask me. Still, after all those beers I’d gone from “Hi, how are you?” to “How high are you?” so the lack of character this preparation showed was automatically forgiven.
Chicken Tenders and Fish Fingers – well seasoned and crumb fried, yet super juicy inside. A little too much meat if you ask me but still, the better of the lot. I liked the chicken tenders especially and they went really well with all the sauces served on the side – mustard mayo, home-made salsa and tartar sauce. Gotta hand it to them for the sauces, though – amazing stuff !
So by the time I was done, the awesome tracklist that had set the mood for me had ended, and despite the alcohol in my bloodstream I could tell that songs had begun repeating.
The kooky signs on the walls had begun to make a lot of sense, and I realized that my eccentric ass had been very warmly accommodated for the good part of 3 hours. My beery adventure was formally over. #OlaTime
All in all –
Food – 4.5/5
Service – 4.5/5 (the servers know their beer and give good suggestions, too!)
Ambience – 4/5
Value for money – N/A (invited), but I’m definitely heading back for their cutting menu…the thrifty beer-loving ass that I am